reaping and sowing

not on farming, but on things coming into bloom

April has felt like a month of shifting and changing - somewhat big transitions I suppose but nothing crazy substantial that I feel affecting me quite yet.

April started off as most Michigan Aprils do - cold! And busy! I was working a lot, working on school things (rushing through my finals), and then I was travelling. I’ll get back to this in a second.

I didn’t see the eclipse, I didn’t read many books, I didn’t listen to new podcasts, I barely saw any new movies.

But I did finish my semester, graduate formally from my graduate degree program in Ireland, travel around England (mainly London though), and started a new position at my job (that is full time).

There was things to do and things to miss out on. I desperately feel FOMO for many things, but sometimes you have to sacrifice certain experiences to get to have other ones. I have to remind myself of that this summer. I’ve never worked a Monday to Friday 9-5 but this internship I just started is exactly that. I know it means not having morning walks, coffee chats on weekdays, or even weekday afternoon light beers… but hopefully it pays off for me in the long run - and is both fulfilling and exciting work.

I am also going to do my best to feel fulfilled in my time off work - intentional time outside, weekend hanging out with friends, and more. But I think it would be good to feel fulfilled at work if I’m spending so much time there.

I think all of this is to say I want May and the rest of the summer to be time I’m spending really focused on making my time worth it - relaxing but not by scrolling on my phone, by being outside, and hanging with friends. I want this time - a time of continued shifting and changing - to be an embrace of the slow and the relaxing! And embrace that slow and relaxing can be socialization.

Sometimes for me I feel like socializing is stressful - a performance of myself and things - but I’ve actually stopped feeling like I’m performing with a lot of the people I spend my quality time with. It’s just a sort of reflex to feel like it might be stressful and exhausting. I think this feels like a long term effort - to be more authentically myself with others - that I’m finally seeing the payoff of. How exciting to feel and see a tangible change - something that has taken a long time but was worth it.

xoxo

Shannon