not enough and all too much

how is it already the second week of january 2025

wintertime often makes me feel just tired. i have endless tabs of interesting articles to read. I’ve made them bookmarks to save my laptops energy on all that. i will acknowledge i’m writing this while combating the sunday scaries.

i’m worried that i agree - a little too much- with Colson Whitehead “I have no hopes for 2025. Humanity is disappointing. We killed the Earth. Villains triumph and the innocents suffer. I imagine these trends will continue.”

I’m scared for what I’m looking at in the world.

I’m scared for my future personally and the future of America.

I want to be hopeful, and feel in control, and not be so scared, and work harder to make things better. I’m often someone who just says things with little to no follow through, and I don’t want that to be the case.

At work, I’m trying to get better about planning ahead and actually sticking to the tasks I’ve said I would do. Some of my work recently has been totally self-directed, so this can feel important to ensure I feel like I’ve been productive at work, even if I don’t have a lot of things on the calendar.

I want to maybe consider making better plans for myself in my daily life, especially to prevent the winter blues.

I’m scared of my inability to read and consume long form content. I’m trying to work on that (expanding out of just mike’s mic videos…). I can recognize that I say this all the time, but I think there is something really good in acknowledging my own consumption habits when I know that I can and should seek other things. I’ve started listening to This American Life again, for a podcast, and am on the lookout for some audiobooks to get back into ( I use libby for audiobooks, so sometimes what I want to read isn’t available).

I’m terrified of hurting other people, friends, strangers, anyone. and maybe that’s because i’m scared of getting hurt myself? or maybe it’s because I worry its inevitable.

Are you annoyed yet? I apologize, these are certainly perhaps a few too many intense thoughts to be happening on a sunday evening.

consuming (content and otherwise):

reading through Not In Love by Ali Hazelwood (thanks monse for lending me the copy)… the emotional fragility of rue is feeling very real to me.

keeping a daily log and sometimes looking back on it… (and sometimes forgetting to write it down and recalling).

i finally went and saw Babygirl on Friday night with my cousin… that movie was something!

I watched all of the first season of Bad Sisters on apple+ which reminded me that I love my sisters. Watching the second season now with my family.

trader joe’s penne arrabiatta… arguably my favorite food? i’m thinking i will start to cook for myself more. try out new recipes and take my time despite the mess and the lack of dishwasher in my house)

clips from shark tank. something about it (Capitalism? consumerism? cheesy pitches? … actually just the theme song)

my january playlist (so far)

also made my own brief version of a how to live poem. how to live? for now i’m thinking…

more of:

taking pictures of mundane things, drinking water and just having one coffee a day (afternoon tea!), different winter coats, lamps, days wearing less makeup, sending postcards, and wearing winter accessories.

and more hope too, maybe I can look to this instead:
"Tímea Füzi, 25, a Hungarian studying film in New York: In 2025, I hope people embrace being messy, spontaneous and free. I hope they care less about looks and what others think of them. More important, I hope people appreciate themselves as they are.”

xo,

Shannon